Relationship Advice

Positive, Powerful Communication Keys
(To End Pointless Arguing)


When you feel calm and centered you can articulate your observations in a manner that helps you to sort things out, organize a plan, turn a problem into a solution. 


Calmly describing to yourself, in writing, exactly what is going on and exactly what you can do about it will inevitably lead you at least one step closer to a solution. 


But you have to pay very close attention to your feelings during this process, or an emotionally turbulent state will cloud the issues and lead you into more chaos.


Observe how others seem to be feeling while you attempt to communicate with them. 


You will never be able to effectively reason with a very emotional or nervous person. 


That person is only open to hearing what will help him to feel even more agitated. 


If you are very calm and centered, you might have a calming effect upon him that helps him to receive a saner message. 


But if his emotional state is stronger than your peace, you waste your effort struggling to reach him.


Observe how others seem to be feeling while they attempt to communicate a message to you. 


A person in an angry, impatient, insecure, unhappy emotional state can only give you a message that leads you into a similar state of internal turbulence. 


If someone feels very elated or excited about something, their communication pushes you into a similar state of imbalanced delusion.


The most important feelings to focus on while speaking or listening are, of course, your own. 


The only way to tell how another feels is by observing how you feel while paying attention to that other person. This is how to awaken to the oneness of us all.  


No one can knock you off of your emotional balance without your cooperation.  Concentrate on maintaining your authentic inner peace and poise while speaking and while listening. 


When you lose your balance, say as little as possible and pay as little attention as possible to the unbalanced message coming at you. 


Concentrate instead on staying as fully aware as possible of what you feel, think, say and do in the present moment. 


Awareness functions as a force field of protection, revealing how to proceed in line with your true interests.  


When another person is too off balance for you to handle in a balanced way, look for ways to minimize the impact if you cannot find a practical way to excuse yourself. 


One challenge here is that the other's imbalance can send you off balance before you realize what is happening. 


The sign of this happening is when you feel the urge to engage in conflict in an effort to make that other person see how wrong he is. 


Each time you go through this you feel more and more disgusted with yourself for the waste of time and energy you allowed to take place.  


Your awakening begins as you recognize the story about your life that you live inside your head. 


You can release from the tragic stories that feed your discouragement, anxiety and humiliation as easily as you can switch from a thought about the stars to a thought about the sky when you realize that you are living in a story about your life that you produce in your mind.


When you see your story as nothing but a story you can let it go, particularly when you see how unhappy it makes you feel.


Whatever you believe to be true about your life is, after all, just a belief.  You can discard beliefs that aren't working. 


But first you must recognize that they are just beliefs about reality, and not reality.

Bob Lancer Seminars
Phone: 770-364-9580 / email: 
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